I have a lot to say today. The words keep coming. Here it goes...
"Man does not live on bread alone but on every Word that comes from the mouth of God".
This has gotten stuck to me. For ages and ages I have not made much sense till now. Indeed!
My boredom has gotten me to level 2, that of questioning questioning! At all levels perhaps my mind can never say-die to seeking clarifications. Today was another chapter in my life. Having been an educator for 3 decades never quite made me happy till I figured out the essence of living is indeed the pursuit of strength and integrity. One moment you think you got it, and the next moment you are like everyone else you judge. The anger so deep seated in our hearts can ignite a flame so damaging, that it creeps up on us when we least allow it. Let me explain.
Being in the veins clinic today for the second time did not spell triumph over fear. And I realise how little I remember. Without choice, and will, much can be denied. I lay on the operating theatre. Awaiting the needles and unknown. The bulk of me was overwhelming, yet, enlightening. It helped that my faith is intact. Mother and our Lord made real in my hour of need. It was remarkable. This constant was me. I know I was able to do this. Throughout, my heart rate was regular n I did slip momentarily into my own safe zone of proximity. So before I get lost in relating this, how does this connect with what I started off to say? Everything.
So here I am, on my couch brooding over what I cannot do. I can do lots but lack the interest and the drive. Life is what you make of it and so, I watch videos to try cheer myself up. I keep away from my obsessions like working on my workplans and reading, for fear I cause my illustrious self discomfort and the incredulous monotony of sorts! But I am bored. Then I watch this video on origami and I am hooked. My 'erotic' senses awakened to its very height. True joy is found again! Even comfort food cannot replace this wanting to find true, eternal bliss! Work. Play. Whatever. Not food. Bah to that?
I hope you don't feel cheated and wish to throw poop on me. I am indeed re-enlightened at my personal level to know that it took me 3 minutes this round to snap-check myself in place to true and honest existence. Perhaps when I get more purposeful for it is important at this juncture to prepare for my beholdened years ahead.
TED talks always signify safe zones for me. For starters "TED" IS synonymous to "Teddy" though I have an alien rabbit for comfort these days. These talks count for me in-so-far as days flow and I cannot out-rule fear as a defining factor. Quite often, Fear can be formidable when absence of competence and will forbid us to see with clarity the mission course. Some people binge because in an affluent country, our poverty-strickened souls long for sanity. We get lost in our mindless, endless wrong intentions. Where was I? Oh, yes. Bingeing and food. So work is mission. And mission gives satisfaction to 'soldiers' on the go. Being ruefully distracted is a no-go. And connected to this, is the need for the Word.
His words mean life. Life in words. Words of life. Life written in words of the work we lay ahead of us in saying yes as in the Magnificat. Our lives must be worth the reading. Good living honours what He has laid down in the Word that there is a time for everything. This you have to discover. For education does not do justice in itself. We cannot teach experiences. And experiences mark growth. The epic moments we go through need time as specified by the Lord. I do pray I do not dishonour the Word. And so, what do you make of this?
- Written by: Zany Lynn
- Category: Articles, Essays & First Person Journalism
- Hits: 3839