If you're like me, you're bald, but since that has nothing to do with our topic today, we won't be addressing that issue, so I'm not sure why you would bring it up, since it is such a sensitive topic for most men with this condition. Please, let's talk about "Social Media" instead.
"Social Media" is the common term used by internet marketers to describe their latest books, such as "Holy Cow, It's Social Media!", "Here Comes Social Media!", "Social Media And Goiter Prevention", and "Social Media: How You Can Use It To Buy My Book". If you looked at the world around you this morning, you probably noticed that it had computers in it, which are very important to our topic, as the Social Media expert book authors need you to use one in order to order their book. So let's set off on the merry road towards Social Media literacy.
MySpace
MySpace is now considered the festering left earlobe of the social media world, and no self-respecting media expert would touch it with a ten foot computer, unless that computer happened to be resting on top of a copy of their book which they were trying to sell you. But at one time MySpace ruled the online world, where, if you were in a band named "The Atomic Mushroom, Part II", the first thing you would do, even before practicing, would be to start a MySpace page so your bassist's girlfriend could "like" it, right before she dumped him and took off with the guitarist, leaving you with the bill for the band t-shirts. These days, having a MySpace page is likened to wearing plaid pants with a striped shirt; something you did in the 70's becasue everyone was doing it and you had no idea how uncool you were, which is to say, was not very cool. These days, any self-respecting marketing expert would just as soon put a diseased gerbil in their triple-mocha vent double-espresso-shot decaf latte, unless the gerbil were buying a copy of their book ("21 Ways Social Media Is Like A Diseased Gerbil").
Facebook
Facebook was invented by Mark Zuckerberg in the movie I didn't see called "The Social Network", which also starred Barry Livingston who was also in My Three Sons, which was an old TV show about, I think, three sons, which I never really watched a lot because it was probably on at the same time as Lost In Space, which had a LOT of computers in it. Anyway, Zuckerberg apparently was looking for a way to tell all of his friends what he just had for lunch, and that it was both "yummy" and had "veggies" in it, because that is pretty much what I see on my Facebook page, which is coincidentally called a "feed". Since it's beginning, Facebook has grown to over 1.23 billion users, which means it has probably fomented a world-wide uprising of Spanish Spinach Quiche with Caramelized Shallots (yummy!) lovers by the time you've read this.
Twitter
Twitter is the newcomer to the Social Media block, much like the neighbor that moves in across the street and seems pretty nice but then immediately asks to borrow your hedge trimmers and you're thinking "What the heck? I don't really know him that well yet", but you do it anyway because you're a nice guy and the next thing you know you notice your mailbox has been knocked sideways and you think he did it with his truck but you can't really prove it. Twitter has risen in popularity in large part do to the use of "hashtags", which used to be the number sign, but apparently Twitter is so cool it can change the laws of language without telling anyone. This sign (#) was invented by two social media authors who became so bored waiting for their books to sell (#buymybook) that they couldn't even finish a game of tic-tac-toe (#bored), much less draw the squares vertically (#lazy).
SnapChat
If you have a 12-year-old girl, you are very aware of what SnapChat is. If you don't, omg, lol, (insert duck lips photo here), rotfl, #omgdidyouseewhatshewaswearing you have no idea what I just said.
There are, of course, many other social media outlets that allow you to share with your friends the vast, uplifting world of cat photos, including Digg, Dugg, Dagg, Reddit, WantToReadit, RedditSawTheMovieButTheBookWasBetter, StumbleUpon, StumbleOver, FallOverStubYourToeAndCurse, and Rashtag, a site devoted exclusively to describing your current worrisome skin condition.
So there you have it, a complete guide to help you navigate the cat-photo-filled waters of the ocean in the world in the universe that Social Media lives in. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wash my hair. #ForgotHeWasBald #Moron #Sad
