She just stared at him blinking. She was shocked and speechless for a moment. He repeated himself again "You shouldn't fall for me. I'm not a nice guy." She could not believe the sincerity in his voice. She had to regain control and had to do it quickly. She replied she wouldn't and then threw in he shouldn't fall for her either. That was just for good measure.
"Trust me I won't." The determined tone was the same as before. Then she saw that something behind his eyes. All the things he wasn't telling her. But what was worst is he saw her. He really saw her. In that instance he knew. He had to push her away. He couldn't long to be all those unspoken things. He had wanted to protect but had hurt her. And it was killing him. He had to push her away.
Instead his mouth fell on hers. He was slow, gentle, and intentional with each touch. She thought how he told her he would pray for her. He hoped she would meet a nice guy. He hoped that she would one day be happy. He told her that she was such a sweet, sweet girl. She replayed this over in her mind as he pinned her hands down above her head. The bed jerked back and forth as his face was deep in her curly hair.
Caught! She had him. He watched her as she closed her eyes. His fingers were playing with her hair. He just stared at her as she slept. She could feel his breath. She had to push him away. He had made her feel hurt. He had made her feel hope. He had made her feel. No, this is one that had to go.
She got up and headed for the bathroom. She shut the door so she could shower alone. Damn, how she hated those tiny hotel soaps! The towel was rough but she dried off with it anyways. Her skin was clean and smelled of Ivory. He woke up as she was putting on her earrings. She smiled at him and he watched her. He wanted to scream at her not to go but he knew better. He smiled back and stood up. The goodbye kiss lingered and cut deep. She wished she could be all those things he needed. She wished she was a sweet girl.
He hugged her. She had to get away. She smiled again and said goodbye and didn't look back. She opened the door and walked out into the parking lot. He slumped down onto the edge of the bed. The guilt and the loneliness made him dizzy. He needed to shower. He needed to leave but he just sat.
She opened the car door and got inside while holding her breath. How could she have messed up like that! While waiting for the engine to warm, she took out her phone. He had just texted her to let him know she got home safely. She deleted it, along with all his other texts and number. Her setting would block any future calls.
She needed to focus. Yes, focus on the schedule. Home and chat with the indian guy tonight online. Work tomorrow. Then meet her married co-worker for drinks and fun at her place. Then home. Groceries. Little league. Middle eastern guy comes by on Friday. Yes, thats better. She turned up the radio as she pulled out of the parking lot. She started to feel the sting. It was too much this time and she couldn't stop it. The tears came and then the sobs. It hurt. Jesus, she forgot how much it hurt.
"Aryan," she blurted out. She hadn't meant to say his name. She hadn't meant to cry. She hadn't meant for him to be anything more than a quick lay. "Enough," she shouted at herself. Then a wipe of her eyes and she was done. He was gone.
She pushed him away. She had to.
