1...2...3..4… I count the amount of letters on the posters in the room.

15...16...17… the amount of tiles on the ceiling.

80…81….82… the number of bricks on the wall.

I count.

I count as the eyes burn into me.

I count as the people yell and scream.

I count to relieve myself of the anxiety that drowns me.

The constant thoughts that flow through my brain like a waterfall.

Filling it with disgusting water.

100..101..102.. How many screws are in the bleachers.

They stare.

They stare as I struggle to keep my breath steady.

they stare as the tears run down my face and the thoughts consume me.

300..301..302.. I count the amount of times the volleyball hits the ground

as my head screams at me

“no one loves you”

“you’re a disgusting pig”

“just die”

and they all just stare.