after our fall
I was not sorry that you left
but always wondered where you went
when we would meet again
who we would be
and whether or not the pains
we got so used to, together
would still be there
but after many years
and hardships
and falls all my own
mistakes carved out of my singular stubbornness
refusals to obey even the longings of my heart
I arrive in a state of grace
leisure I will not waste
and all the doors I want
and some I like but do not need
open
dancing stupid in the savage side show
you appear to the harlequin, coin in hand
smiling like an innocent
gone from horror and terror and want
asking for a payed audience
a jest, a dance, a trick, a laugh
like we never met
or loved, or fucked, or cried
or held hands
the clown plays to the ways only you best knew him
promenades, swings and sways
falls, stops, recovers
and hands over a posy
she in her laughter
accepts with grace and thanks
unspoken
smells the bouquet like a tease, she knows no one is bated at
with eyes like confidence
unconcerned, happy
and wanders for more of the show
if I never see you again I will not care
