Chasing romantic memories,
I have flung myself across the Pacific,
Determined to grow a new me.
------------------------------------
Spiritually crippled,
Seeking the light I once found,
I have cast away my safety.
------------------------------------
Letting faith be the net,
With a conviction I do not own,
My balance limps inside.
------------------------------------
Breaching the highest obstacle,
I’ve ever encountered,
Yet frozen with disinclination.
------------------------------------
I stand solid in my anger,
My vehemence and dread,
Rooting my hate in new soil.
------------------------------------
My existence is limited,
And months become days,
And hours disintegrate the seconds.
------------------------------------
The pendulum swings closer,
Threatening to cut my aloha forever,
Severing the seed in my soul.
------------------------------------
What if? Rules my thinking,
Like cancer abundant,
Poisoning my blood with insecurity.
------------------------------------
Screaming injustice,
I claw at myself,
Scrambling to just break free.
------------------------------------
My spirit leaps overhead,
Stomping my body,
Lurching off Kaena Pointe.
------------------------------------
Death is ultimately practical,
A welcoming cycle of life,
Necessary for rebirth.
-----------------------------------
Empty shell.
-
Infidel.
-
Quitter of dreams so true.
-----------------------------------
In the depths of the sky,
I search for God,
The wind of my formation.
-----------------------------------
Asking for brutal truths,
Begging for forgiveness,
Claiming my humility.
-----------------------------------
And I am lifted up through resignation,
Slowly and uncertainly,
Tasting faith sincerely for the first time.
------------------------------------
Tattered and torn,
Bones brittle,
From grinding away at my own strength,
------------------------------------
Faith has been given to me, not earned,
It is my duty to absorb the water of life,
My calling to flourish in the sun.
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