Valium, vicodin,

   Benzos and percocet,

Give me a little more please?

   I do not feel relief yet.

Dilaudid  & morphine,

   Can I have some more please?

PCA of Opium,

   I'm still hurting and I NEED some!

Tramadol or Adavan?

   Trazadone, hydroxyzine

If you won't give them to me,

   I'm gonna Scream! & Scream! & Scream!

Don't you know that I'm hurting bad?

   You cut me open, and sliced me up!

That makes it YOUR fault,

    That I'm all doped up!

You know...  I'm never gettin' out of here,

   I'm so fucking high!

With no drugs I'd be all fear,

   Not even gonna lie!

So give me pressure ulcers,

   I'll take some C-diff too,

I CAN get worse before I better,

   'Cause I LIKE being sick, don't you?

I'll take your stupid vitamins,

   Potassium and Colace,

But you will have to wipe my ass,

   Brush my teeth and wash my face!

I guess I'll take the milk of mag,

   If you'll just let me stay here,

A small sacrifice for me to make,

    For a professional patient career,

Please don't look at me all sideways,

   My crocodile tears are real,

If this was you in this bed,

   How would you fucking feel ?!?

Oh my God! The pain is back!

   Where'd my button go?

Press it! Press it! Press it!

   The truth is gonna show!

Ahhhhh... now that's much better.

   Now I am getting tired,

But I can't sleep, no tonight,

   I am fucking wired...

(Beep) "Yes? Can I help you?"

   "Uh-huh, send the nurse in please..."

"I need to have my ambien!"

   "If you are expecting me to sleep"