At night towards the night. Future dream sleep undone. To die of night. It is in the morning in the brief mist that eternalizes itself that he expires of night.
Blanchot The Step Not Beyond
I consumed myself inside out
whether through love or angst
comprehension beyond understanding
being a Being (Dasien)
striving to understand the purpose
existential striving, thrown into existence
proliferation of paradox
possibility of the impossible
that for which we strive
insomnia the night when all cows are black except those which glow
no one to interpret for me
loved with the intensity of the sun
hated with white heat of steel
forgiveness a striving for
the very human of the human
tried to think myself through all and everything
easier than to feel the pain
angst a fundamental comportment of Being
persistent angoisse life's symphony
familiar beyond what is healthy
le pas au-dela
then again there was love
narcissistic, of another, many others
children playing in leaves
amazed by their shapes and colors
chalk on bricks of my house
a hole where these things were
a hole too where blood runs through the veins of another
mischievous smile so bright and brightening
in the beginning there was the word-book, it was
also days trapped within the dungeon of cranial space
attempts to learn purpose
to affirm life in all its variations
pain everlasting
first thought
last thought
ordeal of freedom
reconstruction of self after symbolic suicide
a leopard spoke to me
warned of devastation to come
true to her word my misinterpretation effected demise
demise the end of the animal
death available to humans alone
plenitude or nothingness
only the deathless ones know
thus I seek and seek and seek
only to seek evermore
lot in life
consuming myself from the inside out
life in a phrase
writing of the disaster
the il ya a
the a venir
but when
messianic hope quotidian disappointment
auspicious portents of the impossible possibility
the tail chased round and round
like a creature from Garcia Marquez
more likely Borges
forever alien to self and others
know thy self
where to look
consuming myself from the inside out
such is my lot
celebrate nonetheless
accepting the unacceptable
amour fati
otherwise
futility
consuming until consumed
finally peace tranquility long sleep
the everlasting night
prevailing of peace
©07/15/10
