life

Life is hard

It gets really hard sometimes

From small things,

Small fears, small worries, small problems

Day by day it gets piled up

Thought I’ve able to take a control of it

Thought I’m already okay

Without realizing that those piles are actually still there

Until one single thing added up to those pile

Causing all of them to break apart

That’s when I realize

I’ve never been okay

Those small things are piling up

To the point where I can’t bear anymore

Where I fall to my knees

And my tears break

I feel like I barely hold on

I wish I could just let go everything

I wish I could end all of these

Is dying the answer?

To end all the pain I hold in this world

The pain of incapable of doing anything

The pain of keep wishing life will get better but never knowing when

The pain of trying to live with this pain

 

Overwhelmed. 

Scared. 

Paranoid. 

Frightened. 

These are a few of the words I use to describe myself. 

What is a man's worth..?

Is it how much money he makes in a day?

Is it how famous he is on this Earth?

Maybe it's how heavy his cars weigh..?

 

it’s time to prune them.

Waiting for seasons to change-

is like waiting for silence to resolve-

conflicts- a game of pride and rank.

I wasn't able to blow a balloon

Wasn't able to let it fly to the moon

I told my dad and he laughed

Got me another and a dozen more 

So I kept them safely in a room and closed the door

Opened the door everyday

to check on them but not to play

One week later they stopped flying 

They never reached the moon

They were on my floor dying 

I also never blew a balloon