She had left the kids in their beds and gotten into her car. The cell phone in her lap was on speaker. She would just check real quick. It would only take a few minutes to check. She knew he would be home. Or he said he would be. She knew he had checked his email as his status was now idle....when had she lost her mind? When did she decide to start stalking him? She almost screamed at the stranger behind the wheel.
"You're an idiot. What in the hell are you thinking?" She kept trying to reach for the wheel but the impostor took her hands and gripped them tightly. She was now handcuffed and forced to take part in this disaster. All she could do was pray the kids stayed safely asleep. She could feel the tears swell and blister her cheek. Still the fake drove on.
The car flew down the exit and to the light. A right, then a left, then wait to the third right. She knew this route as she had traveled it many times to see him. To touch him. Her stomach leapt into her throat as her chest was now void of a heartbeat. The car pulled into the drive of his apartment building. It circled around to his building.
She saw the light on in the second floor with the blinds drawn. Just like they always were. She couldn't see inside, but did she really want to? He was there just like he should be. Was he alone? She looked at her twin and wondered what she was going to do. There was no way to peek in his windows.
Suddenly she was there. Right there in her car outside his place. She was stopped with the engine running. This was enough...it was time to go home. Her jealousy now sat in the passenger seat and was no longer silent.
"Whose car is that in the visitor spot? State tags and a Kia....a freakin' Kia!! You know that's a girls car! You can still go up the stairs and listen at the door. Hear if anything is going on. Don't you want to know? Well, don't you, bitch?"
She remembered the quiet afterwards as she sailed back up the interstate to her exit. The phone in her lap was still quiet. She quickly turned down her road and turned off her lights. She pulled silently into her driveway. Parking the car she let out a long deep breath. Finally home and finally alone she cried.
No more of this. No more shoulder talk. No more mind games. No more fear. She got out of the car, locked the door, and walked towards the house. She was done.
At least for tonight...
