I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
You’ll never see it: Ignorance? Bliss?
Here I am at the edge, about to let out -
All of this pain that’s inside that brings me to shout:
Memories passing of days gone by,
Sitting alone and wondering “Why?”
Like I really don’t know, like I really can’t see,
The bastard inside that you knew I would be.
Drowning alone, becoming unsewn,
Spiraling down, destination: “Unknown”
Trying so hard just to fight back these tears,
The pain is so fresh, even after three years,
I want to forget you, I’ve tried for so long…
But it tears me apart when you ask me “What’s wrong?”
Like, what could I say? What could I do?
Tell you the truth, that my heart’s in a coup?
Tell you: “I think that you made a mistake”?
Tell you how every night I stay awake?
Tossing and turning, reflecting your spurning,
Missing my old self, but he’s never returning:
The void in my heart growing bigger and bigger,
Reciting your words that ignited the trigger:
“You never will make it, you should be realistic”
And I believed your words! Am I that masochistic?
I gave up my dream, I gave up my everything,
I threw it ALL out for you - every last part of me I could bring,
But what did you do? You spat in my face.
You turned your back and walked out - without even a trace.
Then only two weeks later? I found you with him.
It was then I felt my burning heart growing dim.
How could you do this to me? How could you do this to us?
How could you just turn your back and walk out without even a fuss?
On five years of commitment? Five years of my life?!
I can’t fuckin’ believe I was to make you my wife!
I was putting payments on the ring - I even had it custom made,
Maybe one day you would have seen it, had only you stayed…
But here I am, and there you are,
This chasm between us is so fuckin’ far,
I watch you succeed and shine bright like a star,
While I sit in this room, heartbroken and scarred…
But above all else, what I hate the most:
Is all of this transparency, how I feel like a ghost!
Like how you moved on to some better guy,
Who gave you your wings, and who taught you to fly,
While I’m left below, atop the dirt at your feet,
Why do you get to be happy, when it’s you who’s the cheat?!
Why do you get to prosper as I’m left to rot?
I cannot believe all of the lies that I bought…
But you don’t even care, and I don’t think you ever did.
You went and sold your heart to the highest bid,
To a college boy with a pretty smile…
I really hope he’s worth your while…
Because as you bask in your success,
Though my heart aches inside my chest…
I still wish for you, only the best…
Hold on to that, and fuck the rest.
I’m sorry that I could never be,
All the things you ever wanted, see?
I hope that new guy that you’re with is the key…
Together for Never.