My mind is a clusterfuck,
A birage of fuckity fuck fucks,
A thought process, sick with tourettes,
And it swarms and it swells,
With what if's? and God Damn It's!
And I get no rest.
I question myself.
I get no answers.
I spend my days exhausted,
Exasperated. Grasping and gasping,
For a life I don't have.
My nights go by restlessly,
Touring nightmares and fears,
Of the past AND the fucking future.
And I am lost every morning.
I question my actions.
And I recieve no response.
Instinct and experience!
Are selfish and smug.
And they make me feel like shit at the end of the day.
Self-righteous bullshit may condemn my soul,
But escaping my ego seems impossible,
While my intentions are good.
And so I question my integrity.
And I really don't know.
The shaky ground beneath my feet,
Sways and rocks,
And I fear what lies beneath.
I fear what I am made of.
I fear that I am rubbish,
Made from the minerals of hell.
How am I to do what's right?
If my ideals are tarnished?
How slanted are the scales of justice, in my own fucking head?
And here come the fuckity fuck fucks,
In my clusterfuck brain.
And my gut clenches,
And I feel guilty for sucking air.
And I feel guilty for not wanting to participate.
And I feel guilty for hating my life.
Humility slips past my nuerons,
But disgust does not.
And it lingers inside of my skull, like three day old shit.
Fermenting my dreams each night.
Yes, I'd have to say my mind is a clusterfuck,
Full of stinky ass fuckity fuck fucks,
And God Damn it's! and What if's?
And if I could just get a moment of silence,
I might not feel so fucking cursed.
And if I could just NOT fear being judged,
The fear that hurts me the worst,
I might not be so fucking fucked up,
I might have a chance in this life.
We'll see what my clusterfuck of a brain says,
When I go to bed tonight.
