Well baby boi here I find myself

Less than 72 hours after my slow awakening began

An awakening catalyzed by an unlikely face

A handsome stranger

Coaxing me from my cryogenic incubator

My failing dream machine

…It’s amazing how people you may never meet in you life can affect you, isn’t it?

In the initial break-up, my world momentarily departed

I was suspended in the nanosecond, somewhat astralized within my own body

My pleading voice clear to my ears, but I felt my words barely reach you, and dispel deflected

Yet I fully felt my stomach wrenched out and infected

By rabid butterflies

The type that don’t settle or die

Just linger for hours while you try

To hold it together

To wear your dignified face for the world

While they gnash at you inside

Upon each of your returns, stronger resolve rode your lips

Along with bittersweet memories pacified by your tender kiss

I should have known, with all your quips

That resolve was never anchored to your pith

Your heart felt it once, I know

I’m sure you had even you convinced

But see, rooted to the soul you claimed belonged to me

You harbored fear of misery

Over commitment to what should be

Over our strength to shape our own destiny

And despite what you may think

Despite all those kinks

That never got ironed out or fixed

I was the ride or die chick

Even up to a year after the fact

Because though I said my pieces, I still held my word

Stayed by your side even when you pushed me away

I was there even when I didn’t know what to do

When you either couldn’t or didn’t tell me the truth

Yet wondered why we had so much trouble getting through

And even during and after us splitting I remained yours

Just like I said I would

… Why didn’t you believe me?

I’m thinkin, how long are promises valid after the other person rejects them…?

Are they void once your lover makes the final exit?

Cuz this new guy is flexin

I’m feelin him on a level I thought you had on lock

Like someone loaded a glock

And popped a cap in my chest made of Icy-Hot

He hit the spot from a thousand miles away

Thought only you could sway me like that

But he did it, with his caramel complexion and mahogany eyes

That feathery hair I’d melt running my fingers through

That smile like a bright flash, but soothing

A laugh born deep on the inside, eruptive and contagious

And adorable, masking the sultry interior, (reserved for someone like me..?   *smirk*)

Lips I would most thoroughly savor

Maybe I can get down with a different flavor

Especially when it comes packaged in such a rock-solid body

Mm hm

I got just one word fo’ ya - yummy

Yes, you were my dark chocolate addiction

But through him, to me, fresh hope has been given

Now I know I can snap this






…and get on with livin

…To try another, only this question plagues me:

Does God nullify a marriage made by one person in their own mind? Even if she did swear it before Him?

If it never justified the perks, how can it justify the pain

of permanent strain under an illegitimate bond?

But the promise wasn’t made in vain

Delivered in earnest, and earnestly waited on

But life must move on…

So interestingly enough

Seeing his face I have realized

I no longer need to hide

What I feel from you

I thought silence was my ally

Reclusion my shield

If your eyes ever bothered again to wander to me

You would have to work harder than a mere glance

To know you still had me in a trance

Maybe then, you would advance

But I’m tired of laying low, and now I know

Hope of love isn’t lost by fully letting you go

So in throwing down my cards, I may be throwing the game

But if it’s the only way to win you over

It’s no longer worth playing

I am a phoenix, rising above her pain

Shining with undying flame

And I love you, regardless if you feel the same

If one of us died tomorrow I’d want you to know

And now I can tell you

And finally, truly, move on.

…Here comes the healing rain

-07-07-A.D. 2010