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Magic Emptiness

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originally published 2010

 

A magical moment they say.

Not fully aware

Our minds elsewhere.

An interesting kiss

Somewhat forbidden

Not thinking clear

Stop. Stop. Stop.

“Come on,” he says.

I block it out.

This isn’t magic,

Not a magical moment by far.

Not how I imagined,

It’s just a big mistake,

Too late to take it back,

I have to erase it from my mind.

Delete it from my memory,

Turn it into darkness.

An empty space, an empty face;

Just magic emptiness.

Comments (3)

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I really like this poem. I think that a good poem has three parts: 1) the introduction of a problem, i.e. the supposed to be magical kiss that wasn't; 2) heightening of the stress by fleshing out the problem; 3) resolution. But your resolution...

I really like this poem. I think that a good poem has three parts: 1) the introduction of a problem, i.e. the supposed to be magical kiss that wasn't; 2) heightening of the stress by fleshing out the problem; 3) resolution. But your resolution is not one of Hollywood's fancies (happily ever after pap). Your's is a "real life" resignation, which is the most resolution that the majority of people ever receive. If I could add one criticism it would be line two, "This was anything but ...." It seemed unnatural when compared with the rest of your work.

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Joshua Hennen
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Yes, I think you're right, I'll have to work on that part. Thanks for the comment.

Amanda J.

Amanda Jay
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I like the building of tension throughout. This is good!

Brandon_Hennen
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