What ?
What was that
shape right in the middle of the fog?
It sure did look like a heart with its dull beating its strong redundant noise.
It seemed lost as if someone had given up on it.
“Don’t leave me alone” it whispered acknowledging my
presence, despair so obvious in its tone. “I’m running out of pressure. I cannot pump that blood anymore.”
But as I heard it speak, I fled away as fast as possible, eyes wide open, screaming madly, cold strips of mist licking my face.
After a while, I slowed down my pace and seemed to calm down.
I couldn’t see anything, the atmosphere had engulfed all the colours outside and had melted into an horrible darkness.
Out of nowhere, came the strong beat for a second time. Powerful and erratic, sounding just like frantic sobs.
It made me so scared I clenched my fists, willing to fight it, but nothing came into sight, nothing indeed… Not even my own hands.
I backed off and the awful sound vanished once again.
What was I supposed to find in the middle of the clouds? “I cannot do this.” Is what I said aloud.
Was it for me, this giant lonely heart standing on its own?
What was I supposed to do? Go, and wrap myself in muscles and bones?
So warm the muscles, so solid the bones.
The idea made me froze: where was that irresistible desire for flesh coming from?
I ran again, frightened even by the swiftness with which my own shadow seemed to follow me.
But then there was the startling realization that I had none.
“I am looking for a soul”, I cried to dark figures passing by, not having a clue what I was talking about. “Did you see it? It is both very tall and very slim, and I think that it’s crying.
It ran away.”
Their still eyes that I couldn’t discern settled on me for a while and then looked through me just as simply.
I became aware of the huge hole that had grown in me.
I could not, in fact, make out my very body. It appeared to be gone.
Out of an unspeakable fear, I threw myself into the ground. Face to the earth, trying to get buried into the soil, and get away from any suspicious sound.
But I could not.
I heard the heart’s crying noises again, much weaker, and it gradually receded once more, until there was nothing left.
That time, I knew that was not because I had gone too far from it, for I had held very still.
The silence became overwhelming, as deafening as a gong.
What link I had had with that heart seemed to fade away and I suddenly found myself without any quest to torment me.
What, by the way, did I meant by “me”?
Out of nowhere, the answer came.
I dropped all my concerns and savored the liberty.
Then let my nothingness embrace eternity.
