my pileup 
what have I done? 
anxiety's and pain's compacted potions 
spirited water and nature's succour 
and self-induced deprecation 
my forlorn longings and dreams 
have all but swarmed over and consumed me 
yet melted inside and dripping down 
leaking out of the crevices of my soul's bounty 
sunken now 
sinking to the ground which surrounds 
my entity of mysterious energy 
I sweep across the night 
in a dead flight 
to awake in the day 
an empty shell in dismay 
far from the extremes of eternity 
wherever they might be 
this concept of infinity 
perhaps an illusion of some greater mind 
which finds an amusement 
in our sullen kind 
grains of sand in Its hands 
sifting out into frozen space and time 
never changing 
always repeating the same histories 
in a constant spinning of dizzy existence 
without resistance 
we stay 
in this haze 
and fight for the days 
in disarray 
but always stagnant 
in this complacent phase 
may we rot in decrepit isolation 
inside the greater outdoors of desolation 
so much more there is in store 
yet we shall never reach beyond these shores 
for my deprivation 
here in this aggravation 
I stand above my body's station 
and know not how to move its creation 
removed from the place in time 
where the sun once actually shined 
in my open mind 
of the purest kind 
the innocence lost 
in adulthood's holocaust 
sitting still 
in the hopes that fill 
my heart with an unexpressed thrill