my pileup
what have I done?
anxiety's and pain's compacted potions
spirited water and nature's succour
self-medicated
self-mediated
self-mutilated
and self-induced deprecation
my forlorn longings and dreams
have all but swarmed over and consumed me
yet melted inside and dripping down
leaking out of the crevices of my soul's bounty
sunken now
sinking to the ground which surrounds
my entity of mysterious energy
I sweep across the night
in a dead flight
to awake in the day
an empty shell in dismay
far from the extremes of eternity
wherever they might be
this concept of infinity
perhaps an illusion of some greater mind
which finds an amusement
in our sullen kind
grains of sand in Its hands
sifting out into frozen space and time
never changing
always repeating the same histories
in a constant spinning of dizzy existence
without resistance
we stay
in this haze
and fight for the days
in disarray
but always stagnant
in this complacent phase
may we rot in decrepit isolation
inside the greater outdoors of desolation
so much more there is in store
yet we shall never reach beyond these shores
for my deprivation
here in this aggravation
I stand above my body's station
and know not how to move its creation
removed from the place in time
where the sun once actually shined
in my open mind
of the purest kind
the innocence lost
in adulthood's holocaust
sitting still
in the hopes that fill
my heart with an unexpressed thrill
