She did it to herself you know.
It was her own fault.
Desperate to die she swallowed it all everything she could find.
She knew what to take.
Worthless and evil was what she felt.
The contemplation of life no longer available.
She just wanted out.
And what came next was not expected.
The brief awakening while paramedics sternum rubbed her.
Calling her name.
Unable to speak.
Unable to lie anymore.
She just wanted peace.
Just wanted to not be a burden.
A worry.
A lost cause.
The one who could hurt everyone at once.
So she shut her eyes.
And her heart slowed down.
30 beats a minute.
And her breathing stopped.
“Narcan her boys!”
Was the last thing she heard.
Firemen carried her out on a stretcher.
Intubated.
And Doctors worked hard to pump out the death.
Frantically asking her family what she took.
They didn’t know.
Only she did.
She knew it was enough to kill her.
And it didn’t matter really, the action was enough.
The stigma had been placed.
Forever she would be haunted.
By her own ghost.
But somewhere…
In the blackness that followed…
The vast blackness that stretched for eternity.
Angels stepped in.
And while she breathed through a machine.
While she was fed through a tube.
While the people she hurt sat vigil.
Sat praying.
Sat crying.
Sat hoping.
Her will came back.
It was not strong.
It was as weak as she’s ever been.
The most disgraced kind of weakness.
And she still wanted to run.
But the question of why held her back.
Why did she deserve to live?
In her eyes she didn’t.
She was an awful person.
Self will run riot.
So she gave the nurses a hard time.
Pulled out her tubes and told them to Fuck off!
But her angels weren’t leaving her side.
They were there to stay.
No matter how much she didn’t like it.
And so she had no choice.
But to find herself again.
To answer why.
And even though the answers were staring her in the face.
It would take time.
Lots of time.
To be the one she was meant to be.
The girl who offered hope.
Not the one who sucked it away.
Always haunted by her own ghost.
She will have regrets forever.
But she is here with us today.
She gave life a second chance.
Since life was so kind to give her one.
Angels watch her.
She watches them back.
Listening.
And she has dedicated her life to hope.
Rightfully so.
Death only gave her insight to living.
She lives now.
She lives.
