Each living moment reminds me of her. Her smile. Her jokes. I miss Mum a lot more than I ever understood.
When I was little, coming home was the most sought after thing and my sole purpose in life. The sizzling hot food that awaited me after school was something any kid took for granted. Without a thought I would wolf down the food. I was always hungry. Most days the food was pleasing. Some days I threw tantrums because I didn't get the sustenance of my choice. Yes, a spoilt brat. A pain. I recall Mum's back always, toiling in the litttle cubicle we called our kitchen. The light in that flat was always weak, like how I feel now whenever evenings come. I wish I know why.
I always felt strong. It never ever crossed my mind I was never up for anything. Mum and Dad made sure I received the best of education. Reliving the past is not something I will. It just surfaces like a thief in the night. Soon after, my memory floods me with countless images. Thank heavens plenty of those are pleasant. But I really wish the reel of my life would come to a complete stop.
The raindrops go pitter-patter all through the day and I often wonder whatever is the point of it all? This lifecycle and of the Father's will and all. No, I do not fault Him nor do I question the purpose of existence. That's another chapter up for tweets. Often times when things boil up to this point, I am all washed out. Deadbeat.
The sight of the tiny rivulets that race along the window panes does numb my sensibilty.
Is it me? Why am I not taking this well like all mature people do (or am I assuming everyone is well)? I wonder what more I could have done for Mummy. The sad thing is I don't think it would have all be that different if she were still alive today. The days I visit them to tell them the rigour of each day, though normal then, were pleasurable moments. I had imagined numerous times of how life would be when they got summoned but no amount of rehearsals can match the dilemmas of the days ahead. Is this how it all goes when the shimmer starts to flicker? Or does it get better?