I fucking hate this! The trepidation of where I will keep my family safe is not worth it. My husband, my daughter, my family… better off without me. Honestly. Money will come and I will be forgotten. The way it should be. Am I the only fucking one who feels like this? This desire to get out? This knowledge that life goes on without all of everybody? My dreams are being squashed and it’s okay. It’s what I expected. I am pau… finished… fini. My heart is broken. My soul is non-existent. I never was.