This is for my loved ones. I am sorry that it has come to this. Its only indirectly yours and other peoples fault. Your faults placed me in a position to act the way I have. I cant take that anymore. Its just too hard for me to cope with the difficult decisions and the results these decisions have led me to create.
I tried to get through it but it has run its course. This will be the end, the future is now near.
There is no bigger picture with you people, you all talk about the future but how can you get there with out thinking of now.
I have suffered, I’m enclosed now in isolation, surrounded by white walls and small peep through curtains to a world I could never latch on to. No one ever really liked me, even the ones supposed to love me gave me away early. How can anyone cope with that. Complete surrender to my own mind. Unstable that it is without the proper stimulation and the love of death icons.
Some people will think I am being selfish, and for a while that will matter, but, I know, that these people will forget me; it’s not like I left a legacy or child or wife. I caused trouble at school and home. Surprisingly never got the sack from work. However much I misbehaved people never really put me in my place and they never really 'told me off'. This is either because they never saw my mistakes or they did, and they just thought I was a lost cause so not worth the energy correcting/critiquing.
In any case you are all too late now. I cant ignore being ignored now. Its too late for come backs. The deed is done and the house is sold to whatever lies beyond. Not that I believe in G-d. See even he had the audacity to not care about my life.
If there is anyone I regret it is my birth mother and father, giving me up like that. My sister for being an idiot. My other parents for not being able to sacrifice enough and lastly for myself for wasting everybody’s time.
Lastly, All My Love to AK, BL, RM, RM, GF, JH, JM.
I know you’ll show others the way
All the best to a world I will never fully know.