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TSA Implements Operation Safe Crotch

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By Christina Hazelwood

Last month a gay man ejaculated while being body searched by a Transportation Security Administration agent as required by the federal government in order to board his flight at San Francisco International Airport.  The act could be construed as an ingenious passive resistant protest maneuver against rights-violating government searches.

A full, radiation-projecting body scan of the 47-year old man revealed piercings on his manhood, which caused TSA agents to demand a hands-on body search.  The man’s partner said the agent spent “an inordinate amount of time groping” Percy Cummings (Think his name could be a tip off?), causing his response.  Whereupon Cummings was promptly thrown to the ground and handcuffed for doing what came naturally.

TSA officials have stated that anyone ejaculating during a pat down would be subject to arrest.  Cummings has been charged with sexually assaulting a TSA agent.

Let me get this straight, because I want to eat turkey with my mom, government officials have the right to x-ray me, yank me out of line and grope me.  Then they arrest me for assaulting them?  Now doesn’t that make you feel travel safe?  Don’t you now have a warm and fuzzy feeling because Uncle Sam is taking care of you?  Do you feel more secure because airport officials get to feel your crotch, on demand?

Rather than violating citizens’ rights, the federal government needs to make use of its high-tech, all-powerful intelligence-gathering methods to locate the true sources of terrorism, like inequality, greed, extremism and hatred and take them out.  The feds need to use those special units we started long ago called the CIA, FBI, police and military to find the nests of those intent on terrorism and clear them out.  This is the surest way to prevent terrorist acts.  Fondling people at airports is not the answer.

 Our federal government is, however, very effective at using the weapons of fear and paranoia against us, the American people, to violate our rights and humiliate us.  But, don’t worry, it’s all for our own good.

Do you think TSA officials had a warrant against Percy Cummings for suspicious piercings?  Do you think the little old lady standing in line to visit her grandchildren is a terrorist suspect, worthy of a dose of radiation and body search?  If TSA agents are going to fondle me, radiate and scan me, they could at least throw in a free mammogram.

Do you remember that little document called the Bill of Rights that the founders of this country fought and died for?  The Fourth Amendment of that document clearly states, “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.”

 Apparently the feds, being so lawful as they are and duly observing the Fourth Amendment, have surely secured a federal warrant against all U.S. airline passengers, and signed an oath, affirming that the purchasing of an airline ticket is probable cause of terrorist activity calling for body searches at all U.S. airports.  I, for one, would like to be allowed to at least see that warrant before agents radiate me and feel my crotch.

What frightens me more than these unlawful government searches is the attitude of the American people who say, it’s just an inconvenience, it’s needed to make me safe.  Why stop there?  Let’s really make you feel safe everywhere.

Shall we have government officials do body searches at bus stations, train stations, tollbooths and all public buildings, including schools?  Why stop at plane travel?  Can’t terrorists board a bus, take a taxi or drive in a car?  Can’t terrorists walk down the street?  Don’t terrorists go to school?  Why would the U.S. government stop at planes?  Won’t it make you feel safe when your nine-year-old is body cavity searched every school day?  But don’t worry folks; it’s just a little inconvenience for your safety.

I hate to break it to you, but safety is an illusion; all safety.  If you are alive and living on this planet, it’s a risky endeavor.  There are no guarantees.  Anything can happen to anyone at any time.  It does not matter how many people you search or how many “protections” you implement.  You could wear body armor to bed and have your roof cave in.  When your number comes up, it’s up.

Do you see deer, squirrels and mice standing in line to be searched before they cross a road?  They rely on their God-given, or if you prefer, nature-given ingenuity and instincts.  They rely upon their own senses and awareness to keep them safe.  Then take the risk and run across the road.  That is what freedom is about.

With freedom comes responsibility.  Stop expecting the government to be responsible for you and keep you safe.  The government is not responsible for you or for your safety or for your children’s safety, you are!  The government is incapable of insuring its own safety, so how can you expect it to take care of you?

The only things the government can do for each individual is steal our freedom, violate our rights, take our money, redistribute the wealth, incarcerate us, inconvenience us, humiliate us and kill us.  The government will never be able to make you safe, nor will it ever take care of you.  That is your responsibility.  All it can do is offer an illusion that makes you FEEL safe.  And for this you pay a hefty price:  loss of your freedom.


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