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I Am Aware

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I rule the kingdom of missing beats 
They are discovered late like John Keats 
I am aware I am thought a fool, 
yet, I do assure, I am no tool 
Yes, I am carried by ice cold feet 
It is true, I just can't stand the heat 
My impulse tells me to rock the boat 
though I always lapse to stay afloat 
I simply like for life to be neat 
As I want for myself, I do treat 
I find it difficult to stay calm 
I pick my skin over every qualm 
Inside my mind I have always dwelled, 
my fear of closeness keeping me celled 
I cannot trust until I feel love 
around my heart fitting like a glove 
People ask me why I am this way 
Stifled, I know not what I can say 
I promise I want to touch and hold 
But all that I ever feel is cold 
Dull, insecure, gullible and sweet 
All terms for unattainable meat 
I have been called each one without thought 
They do not know the battles I have fought 
Tolerant and kind are not the same 
I am not naive, I know the game 
In silence, I wait with my bait 
Waiting to reel in the hands of fate

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