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  • Category: Community Poetry
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Looking to be found, Looking to find myself

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I can never seem to get anything right. Whether that has been with love or with friends and it gets me frustrated. I wonder sometimes is it because the act I put on, this Mr nice guy act, the yes man. The act of defense to gain acceptance and trust from peers and even to gain love, but it never seems to work. I ask myself, "what am I doing wrong?" But the question is never answered. I'm known but unknown. Known for my smile, laughter, and joy that I bring to my everyday life. Unknown from the pain, the sorrow, and the heartbreak I feel when I'm alone. I've loved but never been loved put myself out their just to feel heartbreak. Turned to religion but still haven't got an answer back. Forgiven the unforgivable deeds that people have done to me. Cared too much and ended up filling myself with hate. Hating the fact that I'm lost and still can't find myself. It's frustrating that the girls I love find comfort in another man's arms, like I'm not able to give them the world. Hating myself for giving up and not taking what I want.  Missing the manly figure I needed as a child. Till I taught myself how to be a man but sometimes I feel like I'm not doing it right. "Somethings missing and I don't know what!" It's almost like I can feel the void that I have in my heart getting bigger and bigger being filled with more heart ache and hate, worrying that one day the world is gonna take away my smile.  The fake smile I put on for show, but I'm not that nice guy everyone thinks I am. I'm just looking to be found, looking to find myself.
Tagged under: selfreflection,

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