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Chasing romantic memories,

   I have flung myself across the Pacific,

Determined to grow a new me.

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Spiritually crippled,

   Seeking the light I once found,

I have cast away my safety.

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Letting faith be the net,

   With a conviction I do not own,

My balance limps inside.

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Breaching the highest obstacle,

   I’ve ever encountered,

Yet frozen with disinclination.

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I stand solid in my anger,

   My vehemence and dread,

Rooting my hate in new soil.

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My existence is limited,

   And months become days,

And hours disintegrate the seconds.

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The pendulum swings closer,

   Threatening to cut my aloha forever,

Severing the seed in my soul.

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What if? Rules my thinking,

   Like cancer abundant,

Poisoning my blood with insecurity.

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Screaming injustice,

   I claw at myself,

Scrambling to just break free.

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My spirit leaps overhead,

   Stomping my body,

Lurching off Kaena Pointe.

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Death is ultimately practical,

   A welcoming cycle of life,

Necessary for rebirth.

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Empty shell.

-

Infidel.

-

Quitter of dreams so true.

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In the depths of the sky,

   I search for God,

The wind of my formation.

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Asking for brutal truths,

   Begging for forgiveness,

Claiming my humility.

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And I am lifted up through resignation,

   Slowly and uncertainly,

Tasting faith sincerely for the first time.

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Tattered and torn,

   Bones brittle,

From grinding away at my own strength,

------------------------------------

Faith has been given to me, not earned,

   It is my duty to absorb the water of life,

My calling to flourish in the sun.

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Comments (3)

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

I see you in this poem and your hopes.
A dream of a better you, balance, acceptance, a welcoming of anew, perhaps changing geographically cannot change your life but maybe it's enough to start the dream, to change perspectives. To change the...

I see you in this poem and your hopes.
A dream of a better you, balance, acceptance, a welcoming of anew, perhaps changing geographically cannot change your life but maybe it's enough to start the dream, to change perspectives. To change the direction of life, like the tradewinds. You know I am a fan of a person I've never met. I wish you this peace you seek so badly -but sometimes I think this il of yours may also be your ordained destiny. Acceptance doesn't get to choose it's path. But let me say that a person is like food, some is hot and spicy, some is bland and the rest fall somewhere inbetween. I like spicy food! Keep some of the anger.

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Vangoman
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Lol thanks Vangoman I have been struggling to make the pieces fit no matter what side of the earth I am on, and anger most times is the driving force inside of me. It is when my hot and spicy starts to turn rotten and sour that I cannot stand...

Lol thanks Vangoman I have been struggling to make the pieces fit no matter what side of the earth I am on, and anger most times is the driving force inside of me. It is when my hot and spicy starts to turn rotten and sour that I cannot stand myself a moment longer. This geographical change will not "change me" (been here, done that) rather it will offer me more avenues to explore with my heart and soul... but only if I am willing... I went to church the other day... yes "I" went to church lmao, and the pastor was talking about faith and some fool named Samson... long story short it had me questioning my own faith... do I have any? I think I have been looking for God/faith since I was about 4 and now that I am turning 30 this week it dawned on me that I am still searching. I have no idea where this is going I think I am rambling at this point but that's how this one came about I like your new pic btw

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wickedwahine_69
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Sorry one more thing... the trials that I have had to overcome this past year or so has also had me questioning whether faith is worth it or not. What does it accomplish when you keep getting punched in the face by whatever driving force rules...

Sorry one more thing... the trials that I have had to overcome this past year or so has also had me questioning whether faith is worth it or not. What does it accomplish when you keep getting punched in the face by whatever driving force rules this universe? Is it wrong to feel so un-lucky? I guess... Am I so ungrateful that I see everything as a slight to myself... am I truly that fucking selfish to want to provide for my family and be afforded the opportunity to become something somewhere at some point in time? What's a girl got to do huh? Am I still my own worst enemy? That's it lol

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wickedwahine_69
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