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Hold My Breath

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I played it off.

I giggled like I was five.

I simply said "I want to tell you something but don't think I should.'

He answered with pleas of tell him.

 He asked as his naked body rolled away from me.

Offering me to whisper it in his ear.

"I can't. If I tell you I won't be able to take it back."

He pulled his arm around me and begged.

I could still smell him, smell me, smell us.

It lingered from just a few minutes before

When he was on top of me saying my name.

"Oh what the hell," I begin.


"I love you."


I listen to the deep breaths come out from his mouth

Part laugh, Part smile, part cry.

He then rolls back over and begins the slow exploring of my mouth with his.

The tracing of the small of my back with his fingers.

The new spreading of my legs.

My body is his and he knows it.

Again he is saying my name

This time from behind me.

But the voice begins to whisper in my mind

"He didn't say it back."

Comments (5)

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

The poem has a "bevy" of thoughts. Your first womanly instinct was right. The poem tells how a woman must unleash her love much quicker than that of her counterpart."I can't, if I tell you I can't take it back" Yet he begs- I think there might be...

The poem has a "bevy" of thoughts. Your first womanly instinct was right. The poem tells how a woman must unleash her love much quicker than that of her counterpart."I can't, if I tell you I can't take it back" Yet he begs- I think there might be something very profound in this word play- That of the knowing, not wanting to hear but still asking...(Control). Anyway I enjoyed reading this poem alot- I think you cheapened it a little bit with the spreading of the legs-visually exciting but doesn't fit into the LOVE this poem is expelling. Still and all I loved the rest.

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Thanks Van. I see your point. Part of me wants to cheapen it a little, albeit cynical, because I wanted to portray the realization that he may not love her back. Perhaps there is a btter way to do this...like just focusing more on the impact of...

Thanks Van. I see your point. Part of me wants to cheapen it a little, albeit cynical, because I wanted to portray the realization that he may not love her back. Perhaps there is a btter way to do this...like just focusing more on the impact of the last line.

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I see your point and I'm not judging your poem, and truth be told I'm a romantic and there was such beauty in this poem it just shocked my eyes (I'm probably getting old)as it made that quick turn back into lust. I felt the poem raised it's self...

I see your point and I'm not judging your poem, and truth be told I'm a romantic and there was such beauty in this poem it just shocked my eyes (I'm probably getting old)as it made that quick turn back into lust. I felt the poem raised it's self above the phisical and then that line, well it caught me off gaurd. Still I loved it and maybe it needed that RAW explicit move.

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Vulnerability was the key essence for me in this piece and it was ingeniously demonstrated. From what other position than from behind would a lover not reciprocate such an expression of deepest feeling, and from what other position would a woman...

Vulnerability was the key essence for me in this piece and it was ingeniously demonstrated. From what other position than from behind would a lover not reciprocate such an expression of deepest feeling, and from what other position would a woman come to the realization that it was not reciprocated, or if not reciprocated, demonstrated in a less satisfying (arguably) way, with a hardness of body and soul.

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Thank you gentlemen. I always greatly respect your opinions and comments.

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