"Emerging Writers, Serious Writers"

since 2009

Poetry, Prose & More. Join Us!

  • Category: Community Poetry
  • Hits: 3879

Daddy's Girl

Star InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar Inactive
 

By the phone she waits

Alone for the call

First date from a classmate

Today’s first kiss in the hall

.

As I her father knows

Her first heartache

Soon will come and go

Her first heartache

Will no longer be missed

So many tears, so many to kiss

.

Eyes full of hope

Jittering and shushing me

She waits for all eternity

A precursor to learning

All in the name of a kiss

So late she sees me wait

She wonders what she did

.

That emotional death walk

She locks on toward me

A walk that seems so long

I hold her in daddy’s love locks

To see her first love tear drops

And I fear as I hold her near

So many more boys will call

When daddy’s no longer here

To catch all her other tears

From kisses in the hall

Comments (1)

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Some of these rhymes are obvious, and some of the rhythm isn't quite right, but I love the idea behind this poem. The biggest thing that helped me in poetry was learning to use only CONCRETE images. Words like love, fear, eternity, heartache,...

Some of these rhymes are obvious, and some of the rhythm isn't quite right, but I love the idea behind this poem. The biggest thing that helped me in poetry was learning to use only CONCRETE images. Words like love, fear, eternity, heartache, missing, waiting, are all very vague. Try using concrete images to express some of these feelings and ideas. For example, the idea of waiting for someone could be expressed by breath fogging on a window, or a kiss can be expressed by describing lips pressed like hands in prayer (that one is from Shakespeare!). Use your imagination and start replacing those abstract images and you'll be AMAZED at how much your poetry starts improving! Also, with rhythm, try reading it several times out loud and then work on the lines where reading it felt awkward. Too long or short? What about changing some words to alter the emphasis on certain syllables? Keep at it!

Read More
There are no comments posted here yet

Leave your comments

  1. Posting comment as a guest.
Attachments (0 / 3)
Share Your Location