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Disclaimer, or How to Become a Well Known Poet

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Insert a tragic misunderstood life.

Pretend to be brooding if the aforementioned is not possible.

Remove any shred of a sense of humor

Replace with apathetic reverence of man

And a pretentious belief of self-importance.

Find ways to drop oft forgotten synonyms into the lines

Why bother being straight forward?

Beat the iambic pentameter and the couplet

Until they fully submit to you.

Attend a renowned school with an extensive literature department

But then drop out to travel the world.

However, don't travel but end up in some town no one has ever heard of.

The alternative route is to 'keep it real'

By using four letter expletives as nouns, verbs, adverbs, and adjectives.

Insult those who praise your work.

Insult those who criticize your work.

Insult those who never read your work.

Stuff everything away from the outside world

Since they are incapable of understanding it.

You may also place everything out in cyberspace

with an avatar picture of a cute cat,

Or an sublime abstract painting,

Or face shot of a twenty something female pouting her lips with vacant eyes,

Or an abstract painting of a female cat with pouting eyes and vacant lips.

Then and only then pass away.

Thirty or more years after your death someone somewhere will realize your genius

And share it with the rest of the world.

You will get the acknowledgement  you so deserve.

Does this sound like too much work?

It is but there is a simpler way.

You could see the horizon so much better

If first you pulled your head out your ass.



You could probably sit more comfortably too.

Comments (9)

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Very nice ... you nailed the modus operandi for some would-be poets.

Joshua Hennen
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Made me go back and look up Billy Collins' "The Rival Poet." You both end with a put down. What I appreciate about his is its subtle, of-the-cuff destruction of the rival's essential manhood. The indirectness of the insult is perhaps even more...

Made me go back and look up Billy Collins' "The Rival Poet." You both end with a put down. What I appreciate about his is its subtle, of-the-cuff destruction of the rival's essential manhood. The indirectness of the insult is perhaps even more powerful than your frontal assault. Or not. Take a look and see what you think. Well composed nevertheless and just the right length to be tasty without belaboring the point.

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ugwerks
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Of course, there's nothing wrong with some of the behaviors of the would-be poet in and of themselves, but it's the self-righteous "bohemian" attitude that I think you're exposing here.

Joshua Hennen
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Well done

wickedwahine_69
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I almost changed my avatar! Thought twice about not being so nice to my critics. Alas, I shall wait for death.

a
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I second wickedwahine.

Kathleen15
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Thank you.

grunfruaorshell
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Thank you as well.

grunfruaorshell
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Josh, I like what you saw in the piece and am glad you enjoyed it. Berto, you checky little devil, you made me laugh. I doubt you will have to wait to pass away to become 'well-known'...and then I will have to try and convince people that I knew...

Josh, I like what you saw in the piece and am glad you enjoyed it. Berto, you checky little devil, you made me laugh. I doubt you will have to wait to pass away to become 'well-known'...and then I will have to try and convince people that I knew you when ;o)

Thanks for you insight Ug. I am a huge fan of Billy Collins so I was elated that you brought him up. His is a more subtle approach to the insult. I agree it is powerful and serves the purpose in knocking down the rival poet. I chose to write mine in a more direct manner to imply that is is almost an intervention. The subject is not only some new would-be bard, but also the writer of this particular poem or myself. I too often have been afflicted with pot-kettle syndrome.

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grunfruaorshell
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