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For that ass!

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Yeah I’ve got some venom for your ass

I can taste it in my mouth as I hold my tongue

I can feel it bubbling under my skin

Becoming more potent with each passing moment

Swelling my insides with hate,

Watch your eyes bitch,

I’m spewing this shit today,

And if you don’t watch out,

You ARE going to learn,

That MY bite,

Is way fucking worse,

Than my bark.

Comments (4)

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Whoa! Remind me not to cross you. As you say: "potent." But the "bite/bark" ending was a slight let down. You've worked up too marvelous a lather to end with mere cliche. The closing needs to slay. Not sure what would work better, but trust...

Whoa! Remind me not to cross you. As you say: "potent." But the "bite/bark" ending was a slight let down. You've worked up too marvelous a lather to end with mere cliche. The closing needs to slay. Not sure what would work better, but trust your fertile imagination to come up with a more worthy bit of rancor. Nice.

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in regards to wat ug said. i think hes right. if you were pissed off with someone not sure if you'd finishoff with 'my bite is worse than my bark'. but then to ug i say, a cliche may be a good thing here because its not difficult to have a bite...

in regards to wat ug said. i think hes right. if you were pissed off with someone not sure if you'd finishoff with 'my bite is worse than my bark'. but then to ug i say, a cliche may be a good thing here because its not difficult to have a bite worse than this particular bark(the cliche).

maybe a different thing could be to say

if you think im gonna wreck ya-pause-too fuckin right i am!
its different?
Soi-Disant, The Blue Roof

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I agree... I was trying to turn the cliche in on itself. People always talk shit... I can back it up. That was my message. But I can do better than that, so I will edit and repost. Let me know what you think That's why I love this site...

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

I agree that cliches should be avoided like the plague--(Hey look! A cliche!) So yay editing! It's so refreshing to find writers who are willing to edit their work! I've met so many "poets" who think they shit gold bricks. I know I CERTAINLY...

I agree that cliches should be avoided like the plague--(Hey look! A cliche!) So yay editing! It's so refreshing to find writers who are willing to edit their work! I've met so many "poets" who think they shit gold bricks. I know I CERTAINLY don't have it all figured out, and my poems are ALL works in progress. In fact, I'd love some feedback on the ones I've posted if anyone gets a chance...

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