"Emerging Writers, Serious Writers"

since 2009

Poetry, Prose & More. Join Us!

Window World

Star InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar Inactive
 
Slanted blinds hint and hide
About the wonders just outside
Rain stained windows sun sprayed cracks
Leak the secrets painted black
The wind shutters the shutters race
To the face the space misplaced
A place somewhere beneath the sun
Where strangers mingle and lovers run
And in this world outside our pane,
The pain we seek is plainly stained,
With tints of childhood rainbow games,
Traded in for charcoaled fame,
Which in the end is nothing more,
Than a grave dug down to Hell’s own door,
But up above there is a chance,
That we may have but one more glance,
To peer out through those slanted blinds,
That tilts our world to change our mind,
About the wonders wandering just outside,
The opened windows of our mind’s eye.

Comments (3)

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

I feel that this poem contains a profound thought that you wish to communicate and that I wish to understand, but the alliterative devices are so plentiful that it distracts, especially when combined with the strong rhymes. Sometimes simpler is...

I feel that this poem contains a profound thought that you wish to communicate and that I wish to understand, but the alliterative devices are so plentiful that it distracts, especially when combined with the strong rhymes. Sometimes simpler is more powerful. But from your poem, I can tell that you are very talented and I can't wait to see more of your work!

Read More
Joshua Hennen
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Dear singlemotherdom; I know this style very well and though Joshua appears to be correct in the overdone section, I believe that you are one of the few "Song Poets" successful in making a word song sound perform in your poem. You did a magical...

Dear singlemotherdom; I know this style very well and though Joshua appears to be correct in the overdone section, I believe that you are one of the few "Song Poets" successful in making a word song sound perform in your poem. You did a magical job. I think if one knows the cadence of your words in this poem there is a wonderful pace and sounds to it. It brings out a rhythmic beat as I read it. I love this type of poem but it can easily be confused with too much rhymne in you don't catch the cadence. However I bow to Joshua judgement, either way I love your poem.

Read More
Vangoman
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

I could hear your words in my head... I have to disagree with the men here and say that this is a lovely piece and a creative play on words. It would be wonderful to hear read aloud... it would leave the mind playing spelling games

wickedwahine_69
There are no comments posted here yet

Leave your comments

  1. Posting comment as a guest.
Attachments (0 / 3)
Share Your Location