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The Nightmare

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He led me up the garden and we stopped at the garage door
There was nothing said between us but I heard the fire roar.

He grabbed me by my arm and threw me into the dark
The smell of smoke overwhelming then I could see the fiery spark.

His fabric began to crackle and his machines were getting hot,
His furniture started popping and my eyes were stinging a lot.

He locked me in heat and stood watching through the glass door,
He could see my face growing wetter, knowing I couldn’t take anymore.

Panic began to take over and I tried to find away out,
My skin was sticking to the scalding metal, I couldn’t breathe nor shout.

Then I saw his face as clear as day, through the flames and smoke,
His face distorted and evil, it was fear that made me choke.

He didn’t say a word, but spoke volumes with his smile,
His eyes dancing a menacing dance as he watched his burning child.

Comments (2)

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The subject matter of the piece is very graphic and it makes sense when you wrote in the metatag for this piece that it was a dream that you used to have. The interpretation of that one would be interesting (if indeed dreams are meant to be...

The subject matter of the piece is very graphic and it makes sense when you wrote in the metatag for this piece that it was a dream that you used to have. The interpretation of that one would be interesting (if indeed dreams are meant to be interpreted). I really like the use of couplets to bridge prose and poetry. Because English sentences are based on word order and not inflection, there is much less flexibility than some other languages. But this format allows for rhyme schemes and still provides enough words to make it sound natural. Although on line number twelve the fragment "... I couldn't breath nor shout" seemed forced and unnatural. But that's a fine point. I liked the piece overall.

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Thanks Joshua, I really appreciate your feedback.. I wrote this a while ago, I agree with your point on line 12, when I read the poem back it does feel like the most forced line and it seemed to change the overall flow towards the end, however I...

Thanks Joshua, I really appreciate your feedback.. I wrote this a while ago, I agree with your point on line 12, when I read the poem back it does feel like the most forced line and it seemed to change the overall flow towards the end, however I wrote this poem in about 10 minutes, woken up straight from that very nightmare...I left everything exactly how it came out of my mind, I guess that way it felt that I was as true as I could be to this poem thanks for your kind words.


Stanleydru

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