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Fast-Food Waitress

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"Dingalingaling” Goes that damned bell over the door.

Another customer coming for food.

I look up from my newspaper and get back to my feet. God they ache.

Short old and a beard.

He looks like a coffee man to me.

Talk to me, you geezer, so I can read the rest of that article on better employment.

While I’m hoping you’ll just spout off with what you want, you’ll chatter on:

And tell me how your day was bad because that girl this morning didn’t put the lid on your coffee and it spilled on your leg. Just a few drops, but enough to ruin your day.

What is your name?

You look like an E to me, maybe earl or ed.

You know what- It doesn’t matter I wont remember anyways,

You’re not a regular. Just another face in the waves of customers I see each day.

With a big hearty smile I’ll say hello, and when you ask if I remember you, I’ll say

Why of course... But you’ll never hear me say your name because the truth is I just don’t know.

What can I get for you?

A large coffee with the lid on snug?

And the old man’s crooked eyebrows raised and face turned red, revealing he was kind of an ass with no sense of humor.

Just for that you’re getting De-Café.

That will be two twenty nine; I’ll say and smile, as I touch your nasty money that’s been released from hands “ne sait pas ou ils ont ete”

(Took French in high school, and am fluent. Not that it matters working here.)

I’ll travel gently with this hot cup of coffee, because I’ve already spilled two previous cups on myself today. My arms look like scalded lobsters at the wrists.

Now I’ve set this cup down on the counter, and it’s time to say what they’ve preached to me over and over. Say: “Thank you sir, ENJOY your cup of coffee and come back and see us.”

But the truth is, I’ve already said that to so many customers today that if I make myself say it again I will get a nose bleed from all the repetition.

So how’s about this: “You come back tomorrow and we’ll do this all over again, Earl.”

 And he said: “My name aint earl, it's jack you crack-brained girl!"

                                              Huh.

 I’ll say with a tilted head and raised eyebrows. Guess he does look like a J.

Comments (5)

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Frickin' awesome! I loved it!

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Tres bien mon cheri - You should explore writing some flash fiction pieces. The correction bug is hitting me lately, so just add name to "My aint earl." Many of us can share your desperation of being stuck in a nowhere job. But what a great...

Tres bien mon cheri - You should explore writing some flash fiction pieces. The correction bug is hitting me lately, so just add name to "My aint earl." Many of us can share your desperation of being stuck in a nowhere job. But what a great place to explore humans though dont you think? Of course I am assuming this piece is from self-experience.

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why thank y'all. Thanks for the critique, I just noticed it. Oh yea self- experience everyday! At McDonalds. But thank y'all.

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Yeah, I agree with Alberto. You would do well with some flash fiction, maybe a few literary sketches of people or scenes. It would be interesting to see what you do with short stories. Story writing is a true craft. And I corrected the bugaboo...

Yeah, I agree with Alberto. You would do well with some flash fiction, maybe a few literary sketches of people or scenes. It would be interesting to see what you do with short stories. Story writing is a true craft. And I corrected the bugaboo for you.

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Can I just say that this is hilarious and I love it? I work in the food industry, myself, so yeah....Props to you...

~*~
Can't we all just be pretty? I like being pretty...

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