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Indian Summer

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This year I felt in my solar-plexus

When summer officially ended

I sensed as an old friend come to visit

Again was leaving me alone..

Landlocked I didn't get my dose of ocean mist

Not my lungs fill of the sea air this year.

The late September rains came;

Then after the droplets left,

Clouds stayed.

Suddenly I remembered,

Indian Summer is coming!

With its lime green, rust and orange leaves;

Flurrying down from unyielding,

Strong after-the-first-frost trees.

My nose also tells me it is here;

With its silent, pollen-induced runnings.

Teased by warmer temperatures,

Gladly indulging the last chance madness;

Another outdoor tennis or two,

making hay as much as we want to!

For all too soon we will out the coats and jackets.

Indian Summer is a time that is most special to me.

It shows, however, symptoms typical of life;

Renewed yet teasing falseness of hope,

Yet we will accept this harvest of warmth,

Milking it for as long as nature provides.


Comments (4)

This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Hello Naph.Nina - I would like to comment on this piece; not certain if critiquing is permissible, I will nonetheless proffer a suggestion or two, & surely you or the administrator will inform if nay. This, of course, is a poetry-prose poem,...

Hello Naph.Nina - I would like to comment on this piece; not certain if critiquing is permissible, I will nonetheless proffer a suggestion or two, & surely you or the administrator will inform if nay. This, of course, is a poetry-prose poem, evidenced mostly by the no-line/stanza-breaks' structure. My feeling (visceral/sensory) is It might hold more impact if there were stanza breaks between, e.g., sentence's 4 & 5, 6 & 7, 8 & 9...

Also some syntactical alterations:

"Again, was leaving me alone"

"Then after the droplets left, clouds stayed"

"My nose also tells me it is here"

The imagery is vivid & brisk, the inserted rhyme/play ("two, to") sets-up the finale. Overall, an engaging overview of a life's metaphor; hope these suggestions prove helpful, with some tweaking you'll have shared with us a more meaningful poem.

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HaroHalola
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Thank you HaroHalola!
I need some suggestions and always am open to the constructive ctitique
I will revisit it and research more on "stanza breaks" (must have forgotten that particular English class, lol)
Cheers.




Uno Amore,
Naph

Naph.Nina
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

Naph - Pleased by your response; when re-reading (& as a guide), "feel" where the breaks ought occur - from the text, in tone... The intuitive never betrays, this is where the latent learning presents, you'll be happily surprised at the amount of...

Naph - Pleased by your response; when re-reading (& as a guide), "feel" where the breaks ought occur - from the text, in tone... The intuitive never betrays, this is where the latent learning presents, you'll be happily surprised at the amount of knowledge & application there - H'H.

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HaroHalola
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Hey, Just getting back to this H'H!
Thanks and I am feeling your suggestions and refreshed myself about stanzas.Thank you for helping my learning curve upward.
Naph

Naph.Nina
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