"Emerging Writers, Serious Writers"

since 2009

Poetry, Prose & More. Join Us!

  • Category: Community Poetry
  • Hits: 1719
  • Print

I found your shirt

Star InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar InactiveStar Inactive
 

I found your shirt in a box
on my closet floor. The brown
one with the lace around the
sleeves.

I was surprised to recall
The many times you wore it.
the feel of it when we embraced
and the way it smelled like you. It now
only smells of a box on my closet floor.

I don’t know if I noticed those things then.

it probably just
got mixed up in my basket the last
time we did laundry together.

Nothing to get worked up about really.

Comments (5)

  2. #1027
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

I love the haunting presense of the shirt alone.
There is so much depth in the seemingly simple, perhaps nothing to get worked up about, but it does create great writing. thank you

  1. Reply
  2. 0
  2. #1028
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

I think you need to give very serious consideration to that last line "worked up over," there bud. The back vowel, i.e. u, of the word "up" is quickly followed by a mid vowel, i.e. o, in "over." Notice when people say "uh oh" there's a glottal...

I think you need to give very serious consideration to that last line "worked up over," there bud. The back vowel, i.e. u, of the word "up" is quickly followed by a mid vowel, i.e. o, in "over." Notice when people say "uh oh" there's a glottal stop between the two phonemes because its too akward otherwise. All you have between the sounds is the letter p, which is NOT sufficient. And then to top it off, you end with an r in the word "over" and then follow it with another r in the work "really." May I be so bold as to offer a solution to this inchoate line? "Its nothing really." This preserves your intent and ends cleanly. I should be most pleased to hear your response.

Read More
  1. Reply
  2. 0
  2. #1029
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

I like the sentiment of this piece, and the fact it moves into a 'what does it matter?' attitude. Nice.

  1. Reply
  2. 0
  2. #1030
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

i have been meaning to change that, actually, as it was re-written in haste. however, your getting worked up over this is quite amusing to me and the line will stand, unchanged. yes, i am that stubborn.

  1. Reply
  2. 0
  2. #1031
This comment was minimized by the moderator on the site

I (personally) think the line works, and gives it that cavalier tone that ends the piece perfectly. Maybe a 'Ahh,' (or such-like) before the line would enhance it, but again that's a personal opinion.

  1. Reply
  2. 0
There are no comments posted here yet

Leave your comments

  1. Posting comment as a guest.
Background
Attachments (0 / 3)
Share Your Location