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The Oak Tree

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"Come " said a fat bumblebee
"Come follow me to this oak tree."
I followed as off he buzzed
for no other reason than because
this tree also called my name.

A strong trunk supported sturdy
branches long and burly.
Two squirrels used it as a gym
entertaining both me and them
during a light spring rain.

This tree called to my very soul,
making me feel both young and old.
It spoke to me of a different time,
one before words and rhyme,
when he and I were but the same.

I followed a fat bumblebee
and found myself in a tree.

Comments (6)

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Cool, I liked this one. Kind of Frostean. Just today I was thinking about writing something light and plain. This is a very timely piece fro me.

anonymous contributors
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The only line that bothers me is ‘entertaining both me and them’, particularly the ‘both’

anonymous contributors
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I really like the description of "fat bumblebee." For some reason it reminds me of Seamus Heaney's "Death of a Naturalist." But I think the rhythm could be improved--it doesn't really seem to mesh well with the hard, short rhyme scheme.

stephaniewillis
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I could feel the floating flight of the bumblebee as you followed, nice. There does seem to be a bit of "enslavement to rhyme" in the piece.

a
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Thanks for the feedback yall!

atamulonis
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I think that this is a nice, light piece. The poem's "enslavement to rhyme" is easily mollified by the fourth line in the third stanza. It makes the rhyme scheme that preceeded it part and parcel of her design. I agree that removing the word...

I think that this is a nice, light piece. The poem's "enslavement to rhyme" is easily mollified by the fourth line in the third stanza. It makes the rhyme scheme that preceeded it part and parcel of her design. I agree that removing the word "both" would be good here. Also, consider removing the word "to" from the first line of the third stanza. It seems that adding the word "to" (or most any other preposition) weakens the "called to my soul" line. For instance, which is more potent, "called my soul" or "called to my soul?" But I definitely liked how you capped the poem with the last two lines which both summarized and reinforced the piece.

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Joshua Hennen
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